007 & Fast Food Film Making

There’s a new James Bond film out and it’s called, Spectre. I saw this and instantly images of Sean Connery in a Saville Row suit, driving a silver Aston Martin in an exotic location flashed through my brain. The 12 year old still hidden in this old man’s body became excited.

As a small town kid from Te Awamutu, becoming a secret agent like Bond seemed like an obvious career path. I dreamt of travelling the globe unencumbered with the trivial issues of ‘normal’ people. For Bond, there are no customs queues, delayed planes, shitty airport food, and definitely no sitting cramped in cattle class. I wanted to kill the bad guy, save the world, and then sip champagne in a space shuttle with a girl named Holly Goodhead.

My first Bond experience was The Spy Who Loved Me starring Roger Moore as the suave, sophisticated, gentleman spy. I was instantly hooked and have seen every Bond film that followed. As I moved through my teen years I caught up on the classic Connery films, Goldfinger, Thunderball, From Russia with Love, et all, which only furthered my love for Bond and the world he lived in. I spent my childhood days pretending to ski down hills while killing 898 bad guys or jumping from helicopters to land squarely in the lap of a leggy blonde. My life throughout the 80s was filled with 007 missions.

As I grew older though, my fascination with the character based on English writer Ian Fleming’s series of spy novels, began to wane. From the unfortunate Timothy Dalton mistake to Pierce Brosnan’s revitalization beginning with Golden Eye, it was around this time that things started to take a turn for me. By the time 2002’s Die Another Day was released the love affair was over.

However, when Daniel Craig slipped into 007’s brogues in 2006 I had high hopes for a new beginning. Casino Royal was released and it did feel slightly different, at the beginning at least. But, by the end of the film, I realized it was the same meal The Broccoli family had been serving up for the last 50 years.

It was then that it dawned on me: I was watching the same ridiculously unbelievable plotline over and over again. My inner 12 year old felt betrayed. James may have swapped his Aston with a BMW, but I was essentially watching the same movie on repeat. The generic formulaic nature of James Bond reminded me of the blandness of eating at McDonalds, Burger King, or KFC. Like a Bond villain, these behemoth food chains had kidnapped my childhood hero, and Fast Food Film Making had killed my dream of becoming James Bond.

Much like a visit to Burger King watching Bond was giving me after effects and not the good kind. Thirty minutes after consuming the visual feast I start feeling ill. Like a bad case of indigestion the superficiality and lack of originality was repeating on me. After another thirty minutes, like one of those paleo devotees who has compulsively scoffed a 24 pack of nuggets, I was consumed with guilt. Why did I watch this? What was I thinking? Why did I expect a five star meal cooked by Alain Ducasse when I knew, Daniel Craig would serve up the same exact meal Connery did in 1962 with Dr No.

Unfortunately, Fast Food Film Making is what major production houses dine out on these days. Massive franchises are their bread and butter. From comic book heroes like Batman and Superman to the ridiculous Fast and the Furious series and even Peter Jackson’s bloated fantasy trilogies.

Just look at the top 10 earners in the US for 2015;

10. Ant Man

9. Pitch Perfect 2

8. Mission: Impossible Rogue NationSan Andreas

7. Cinderella

6. Minnions

5. American Sniper

4. Furious 7

3. Inside Out

2. Avengers: Age of Ultron

1. Jurassic World

These marketing friendly films are keeping executives fat with cash, with their private jets, Lamborghinis, and plastic woman, they’re the ones living the James Bond lifestyle. The masses flock to gorge themselves on the blandness, familiarity, and safety of these films, then buy an assortment of paraphernalia for dessert.

In defense of James Bond and all those who work on these giant productions, I’m sure there are millions of 12 year olds out there watching Bond for the first time and feeling much the same as I did so many years ago.

The worst thing about this sad state of affairs, is when Spectre is released on the 6th of November, I’ll probably sit down and watch it. I wont go to the cinema though, I’ve learnt my lesson and won’t be paying that much for a cheeseburger and fries.

Rents

@rents1