2015-16 NBA Season: A Haters Preview

Western Conference

Pacific

Golden State Warriors

Positive: Klay Thompson getting outted for cheating by his Mrs might bring out the fire.

Negative: Draymond Green has been pissing off the rest of the league all summer.

Random: Andrew Bogut can smoke a ciggy in the rain without it getting wet.

Los Angeles Clippers

Positive: GM Doc might not have wet the bed.

Negative: I give it 25 games before Chris Paul & Lance Stephenson have a punch up in the locker room. Or, on the bench. During a game.

Random: Still hanging out to hear a “fuck you, Dad” when Doc benches Austin in crunch time.

Los Angeles Lakers

Positive: Kobe is going to make Roy Hibbert cry at some point of the season.

Negative: Byron Scott.

Random: I’m going to miss Carlos Boozer screaming “AND 1!” in purple & yellow. Lies, nobody watched them last season.

Phoenix Suns

Positive: Marcus Morris getting traded away might light a fire underneath Markieff.

Negative: Markieff Morris might stab someone this season.

Random: They’re paying 27 mil for 2 point guards.

Sacramento Kings

Positive: They’ve got a point guard named Stockton.

Negative: It’s not John Stockton.

Random: Crazy owner, controlling coach, moody star…I’ll be watching.

Southwest

Dallas Mavericks

Positive: Mark Cuban reaction shots during Deandre Jordan’s first game in Dallas.

Negative: How do you say “this roster is shit, I took a massive discount for these bums?” in German?

Random: A healthy Deron Williams/Wesley Matthews backcourt could be awesome. They might also have 1 working ligament between them.

Houston Rockets

Positive: This roster looks like it has plenty of sober drivers for Ty Lawson.

Negative: James Harden is dating the roughest Kardashian. If you don’t count Caitlyn.

Random: Does Jason Terry have a Rockets tattoo yet?

Memphis Grizzlies

Positive: This roster has some genuine scrappers. Apart from Vince Carter.

Negative: Justin Timberlake.

Random: It’s a 26 hour drive from Memphis to L.A. for Matt Barnes. & 17 to New York…

New Orleans Pelicans

Positive: The Brow.

Negative: Kendrick Perkins is still in the NBA.

Random: Gutted that Corey Webster didn’t make the final cut.

San Antonio Spurs

Positive: Tony Parker hasn’t slept with any of his teammates wives in ages.

Negative: Patty Mills is one of those obnoxious Queensland fans.

Random: Jimmer Fredette might be awesome under Pop. He might also still be Jimmer Fredette.

Northwest

Denver Nuggets

Positive: They’ve still got Wilson Chandler & Danillo Galinari from the trade they won with the Knicks.

Negative: Mike Miller looks like he might enjoy weed.

Random: Emanual Mudiay was who I wanted my team to draft. Picking him for ROY.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Positive: Fun roster on paper.

Negative: Kevin Garnett will still pretend to be tough.

Random: Prince put on a concert for the WNBA champion Lynx. Garnett & Andre Miller are probably the only Wolves old enough to know any Prince songs.

Oklahoma City Thunder

Positive: No Scott Brooks.

Negative: Dion Waiters might go Columbine when he gets no shots with Kevin Durant back.

Random: Their starting center earns as much as Russell Westbrook & his name rhymes with penis.

Portland Trailblazers

Positive: Damian Lillard has a bunch of new guys to rap with.

Negative: Damian Lillard is the only member left of last season’s starting 5.

Random: Still one of the best uniforms in the league.

Utah Jazz

Positive: Rudy Gobert costs the Jazz just over a mil.

Negative: 2 Australians on the roster.

Random: It’s hard to get on the piss in Utah. This is where Ty Lawson needed to be.

Chur.

@Rarerecordings_